HEALING HEARTS: Choosing Life

 

Last week, I wrote about being on the road with grief. It’s a journey that looks different for everyone. We all experience loss—sometimes it’s a quiet ache, and other times it’s a tidal wave that knocks us off our feet. No matter the form, grief can stir deep sadness and longing.

This week, I revisited a book I first read in 2009, when I attended a grief counseling program in Neosho. It was offered by a local church and funeral home. The book, The Grief Recovery Handbook by Russell Friedman and John W. James, is short, 192 pages, but is filled with helpful, practical steps for healing.

The revised edition has a 4.1-star rating on Goodreads and thousands of positive reviews on Amazon; it’s clear that this book has helped many others as well. 

The method the authors share is tried and tested. Of course, no book can guarantee healing, but it offers a path forward. Readers must be honest with themselves, follow the steps sincerely, and be willing to do the work to recover—not just cope—with grief. Sometimes there may be issues that need resolving, especially with the loss of a loved one, and the authors advise how to overcome the problem. It works!

After losing my precious daughter Stephanie on February 2, I found myself deep in sorrow, tormented by what I now recognize as the Spirit of Grief. That darkness wrapped itself around me and nearly convinced me that I couldn't go on. I didn’t want to face a future without her. My heart hurt so deeply, I couldn’t think beyond my own pain. I wanted to die.

But God, in His mercy, did not leave me there.

With the help of the Holy Spirit, I began to see that I needed to do something. My family still needs me. And I can still live, even with this heartache. Step by step, day by day, I am learning to lean on God and walk through this valley with His strength.

“I have set before you life and death... now choose life.” — Deuteronomy 30:19. That is God's command.

That verse has anchored my heart. I choose life.

I’m beginning to recover from the Spirit of Grief—but it's a daily choice. Every day, I must choose to walk with Jesus, to guard my heart from the enemy’s lies, and to fill my ears and mind with His truth and hope.

Another verse that strengthens me is:

Zechariah 9:9 (NKJV):
“Rejoice greatly, O daughter of Zion; shout, O daughter of Jerusalem! Behold, your King is coming to you; He is just and having salvation, lowly and riding on a donkey...”

Even in sorrow, I’m reminded that my King comes with salvation, comfort, and peace.

I'm grateful that I chose to reread The Grief Recovery Handbook. It helped me identify the lies I was believing and pointed me toward the healing that only God can complete. I highly recommend it for anyone navigating grief. And there are many other books out there about grief, which I've read several, so read the reviews, find help, and pray - God will lead you! 

Grief may be part of our journey, but it does not get the final word. With God, there is still purpose, still hope, and yes—still joy ahead. My heart is healing, one day at a time. But it's a daily choice, a daily fight to win this grief war! 

If you’re struggling with grief, please know you’re not alone. There is help, there is healing, and there is hope. Don’t be afraid to reach out to a trusted friend, a counselor, or most of all, to God. He sees you. He walks with you. And He will carry you through.

I'm healing my heart one day at a time...

HEALING HEARTS: In the Shadow of Death, I'll Rejoice In the Lord!

In Memory of Stephanie Karen (Jennings) Branham Crabtree 

The Shadow of Death visited me once again on February 2, 2025, when I learned my precious, beautiful daughter, Stephanie, had died. That plunged me into the depths of a darkness like I've never experienced. I've faced death before, when my great-grandmother, mother, and husband died. But this death hit me hard, hurt me deeply, and had me in its grip. 

And that's when the dark Spirit of Grief overshadowed me. 

I moved to live where Stephanie was in Nevada, Missouri, where she watched over me closely and promised to take care of me in my old age. Her husband had her cremated, so there was no funeral or memorial held, no closure. All of my family members lived south, an hour and a half or more away.  Oh sure, my family kept in touch, but I was alone, grieving deeply, and trying to make sense of it all, while loneliness numbed me. It was so bad that I couldn't write or do the normal daily activities; I did continue going to church. 

Within two weeks of her death, I knew that I needed to move. I was living in Stephanie's husband's house, and I wanted to go "home" to once again be near my family. During the day, I sorted through my belongings, packed them up, and prepared for the big move in April. When I wasn't busy, the grief spirit bombarded me with increased loneliness, guilt, shame, misery, despair, and worry. Anguishing thoughts of remorse, revenge, and hate tempted me to do or say wrong things. But I fought the devil and prayed through all that was bombarding me. 

Scriptures came to mind, and I clung to God's promises that He would never leave me or forsake me.

Here I am, four months and three days later. 

God worked a miracle in my life. He led me during the move and placed me and my two cats in the right places at the right times. I applied for an apartment, was approved, and moved into the new place, just two weeks and three days later. That is amazing, and the work of our great Lord! 

The day I left Nevada, the Spirit of Grief lifted off of me. That dark abyss no longer gripped me and filled me with overwhelm, loneliness, and despair. Now, each new day brings healing. I'm living in the town where my husband and I raised our family, where I have many friends and family members, and I again attend my former church. 

My testimony is strong on my lips - Jesus carried me through the ordeal of moving miles away while deeply grieving for my child, and He prepared the way for me to make a full circle, arriving back "home" where I am loved and happy. I'm actually smiling more, starting to write again, creating the handmade cards that are a ministry for me, and I'm out and about again. 

I tell you that every day and every evening, I thank our Big God and give Him all the praise and glory that He deserves! In the Shadow of Death, He was beside me, leading me to my future. 

I continue to grieve - I always, forever will - but this grief is not numbing, cutting, gnawing, and gnashing at me. This healing grief reminds me that Stephanie was saved and baptized in the name of Jesus Christ and that she is waiting for me when it's my time to die. I will join Stephanie and celebrate our reunion along with the myriad of family members who have gathered around her.

Today, I am grateful, thankful, and blessed because Jesus Christ, my savior, walks beside me...and always carries me through those rough waters. The Lord is my shepherd and I shall not want.

I'm healing my heart one day at a time...

Photo credit: Kimberly Jennings Ruede, my daughter 

Please note: The devil is real, and we are always fighting him. Like Ephesians 6:12 says, "For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this world's darkness, and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms."