Getting Back to Everyday Life: What Would Your Loved One Want for You?
It's been 5 months since my Stephanie died in a vehicle crash and landed upside down in a creek. Aside from the shock and despair that immediately overtook me, in the days that followed, questions arose. Questions about how it happened and, most importantly, why it happened.
From February 2 to now, July 8, I've been through tumultuous weeks. Here I am now, newly moved into a place to live and contemplating going back to work. Two things: #1: this has been the hardest thing I've EVER gone through in my life, and #2: I am stronger than I thought I was.
The grief, sadness, and complete loss of my daughter held me in a vice grip. I've talked about it, and prayed over it, and some days are good, and some days are bad. I'm finally learning that when the sneaky grief creeps into my thoughts, I must stop, identify it, and immediately denounce it. If I do not, my day sinks faster than a paper boat in a hailstorm.
And I think about my daughter, a registered nurse, a mom, and grandma, and wonder what she would want me to do? Stay hidden and hurting in the hole of darkness, or move forward in life to heal.
After
losing someone dear, it’s natural to feel nervous about getting back to
everyday life. Sometimes I feel guilty for laughing, making plans, or enjoying small
pleasures.
But
deep in my heart, I know she wouldn’t want me to suffer. She would want me to live—really live—with joy, love, and purpose.
Being
the one left behind shapes how we grieve. There’s a strange tension in knowing
we can still enjoy life, while they no longer can. And yet, if the roles were
reversed, we’d never want our loved ones to stop living because of us.
Taking
the first step toward joy isn’t easy, but it’s not a betrayal—it’s an act of
remembrance and love.
To keep my thoughts in check, I've written out affirmation statements and Scriptures on index cards and read them daily, especially when my thoughts turn sour. I practice being thankful for leaving the area where she died. I remember that she would want me to stay strong and move forward, and I'm grateful that I came back to the area where I've lived for over 40 years and where Stephanie was born and grew up, married, and raised her two children.
It continues to be a daily struggle, but my faith is strong and I trust in God. I'm moving forward one step at a time and one day at a time.
“You will grieve, but your grief will turn to joy.” —John 16:20 (NIV)
Let
this promise encourage your heart today. If you are walking a grief journey, you are not alone.
