HEALING HEARTS: Walking My Faith Journey

 

Walking My Faith Journey

To God be the glory! I must proclaim what He has done, what He is doing, and what He will continue to do as I walk this faith journey on earth.

I have come to a place in my life where I depend completely on God. I no longer believe that I am in control of my own life.

Seven months ago, my sweet daughter, Stephanie, was tragically taken in a car accident. Not long after her passing, I sat in my recliner, overwhelmed and asking myself, What am I going to do now? In that quiet moment, the Lord spoke clearly to my heart. He showed me something I hadn’t wanted to see: I had placed all my trust and dependence on Stephanie.

You see, I had moved just to be near her. We had planned that she would care for me in my older years. She was a nurse, she knew my health history, and she always went with me to my appointments. She kept up with me in ways only a daughter could.

So when Stephanie died, I felt lost—anxious, nervous, and uncertain about my future. I thought without her, I couldn’t go on. But one evening, as I cried and worried, the Lord gently but firmly revealed the truth: I had made an idol of my daughter. It wasn’t Stephanie who took care of me—it was Him.

In that moment, I heard in my spirit, “O you of little faith!” I was stunned, but I knew it was true. I repented, ashamed of having placed my faith in the wrong place. Yet that revelation opened my eyes. God reminded me that He alone is in control of the universe. He gives, and He takes away.

That day I began to claim the promise of Psalm 23:1:
“The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want.”

Looking back over my life, I see how true this has been. I’ve always had what I needed—spiritually rich, blessed beyond measure—all because of God’s grace, generosity, mercy, and love.

From that day forward, I began to lift my eyes to Him. I praise the Lord for His goodness, His care, His mercy, and His unfailing love.

Romans 15:13 has become my anchor:
“I pray that God, the source of hope, will fill you completely with joy and peace because you trust in Him.”

Over the past seven months, I’ve walked through sorrow, anger, fear, and uncertainty. There were days when grief made me physically sick. But God’s Word has carried me.

Now I can say with confidence:

• I have hope for a spiritually rich future.
• I have joy because God hears and answers my prayers.
• I have peace about Stephanie’s death, knowing she was saved and baptized—and that I will see her again one day.
• I have trust that the Lord will guide me each step of the way.

That is enough for me to keep walking this journey until the Lord calls me home. Amen.

Is there an idol in your life that keeps you from depending fully on God? Pray that if there is, He will show you so you can see the truth. 

HEALING HEARTS: Grieving: Getting Back to Everyday Life

 

Getting Back to Everyday Life: What Would Your Loved One Want for You?

It's been 5 months since my Stephanie died in a vehicle crash and landed upside down in a creek. Aside from the shock and despair that immediately overtook me, in the days that followed, questions arose. Questions about how it happened and, most importantly, why it happened. 

From February 2 to now, July 8, I've been through tumultuous weeks. Here I am now, newly moved into a place to live and contemplating going back to work. Two things: #1: this has been the hardest thing I've EVER gone through in my life, and #2: I am stronger than I thought I was. 

The grief, sadness, and complete loss of my daughter held me in a vice grip. I've talked about it, and prayed over it, and some days are good, and some days are bad. I'm finally learning that when the sneaky grief creeps into my thoughts, I must stop, identify it, and immediately denounce it. If I do not, my day sinks faster than a paper boat in a hailstorm. 

And I think about my daughter, a registered nurse, a mom, and grandma, and wonder what she would want me to do? Stay hidden and hurting in the hole of darkness, or move forward in life to heal.

After losing someone dear, it’s natural to feel nervous about getting back to everyday life. Sometimes I feel guilty for laughing, making plans, or enjoying small pleasures.  

But deep in my heart, I know she wouldn’t want me to suffer. She would want me to live—really live—with joy, love, and purpose.

Being the one left behind shapes how we grieve. There’s a strange tension in knowing we can still enjoy life, while they no longer can. And yet, if the roles were reversed, we’d never want our loved ones to stop living because of us.

Taking the first step toward joy isn’t easy, but it’s not a betrayal—it’s an act of remembrance and love.

To keep my thoughts in check, I've written out affirmation statements and Scriptures on index cards and read them daily, especially when my thoughts turn sour. I practice being thankful for leaving the area where she died. I remember that she would want me to stay strong and move forward, and I'm grateful that I came back to the area where I've lived for over 40 years and where Stephanie was born and grew up, married, and raised her two children.  

It continues to be a daily struggle, but my faith is strong and I trust in God. I'm moving forward one step at a time and one day at a time. 

“You will grieve, but your grief will turn to joy.” —John 16:20 (NIV)

Let this promise encourage your heart today. If you are walking a grief journey, you are not alone.  

HEALING HEARTS: When Grief Overwhelms, Faith Leads the Way

When Grief Overwhelms, Faith Leads the Way

The past thirty-six days since my precious daughter’s passing have been grueling. The shock of losing her pushed me into a dark place, trapping me in sorrow until a friend pointed out something I hadn’t recognized—I was being tormented by a Spirit of Grief.

I believe in the reality of spiritual warfare, but I was too overwhelmed to see it. However, once I began praying to rebuke this spirit, I felt myself slowly climbing out of despair. This past week, I’ve been able to function better. Some days, I only cry once instead of a dozen times or more.

As God continues to answer my prayers, I find the strength, courage, and energy to accept that my daughter is gone.

I’m no stranger to grief. I’ve lost my beloved great-grandmother, my loving mother, my dear husband, and now my precious daughter. Each loss has left a deep wound. Grief forces us to confront death in a deeply personal way. And despite what some may say, it doesn’t get easier with time or familiarity. Each loss brings a fresh wave of sorrow that stings, cripples, and, at times, fills me with anger.

Over the past thirty-six days, I’ve experienced a rollercoaster of emotions and dealt with the aftermath of losing someone so dear. It has been exhausting. It has been debilitating. And in many ways, I know this journey is just beginning.

Yet, once I started praying for the Holy Spirit to free me from this torment, God delivered me from its clutches. I feel better physically—no more rushing to the bathroom or eating antacids like candy to soothe an upset stomach. My mind is slowly healing, and spiritually, I’m experiencing the power of focused prayer.

Through my tears, I can still whisper, “Thank You, Lord,” because He has been my refuge. I choose to walk with Jesus and rest under His wings, where I am safe from the trials before me. Each day, I face life without my daughter, yet I find myself sleeping a little better at night.

But life hasn’t stopped. On top of grieving, I am going to move again. Not long ago, I told Stephanie that I hoped I’d never have to move again. She understood completely. And yet, here I am, facing the reality of packing up, relocating, and spending money I don’t want to spend. If I stay, I have no family nearby, and if the house sells, a new landlord will likely raise the rent—something I can’t afford as a retired widow on a fixed income.

When I decided to move, I cringed. I cried. I felt like a weary traveler wandering and exhausted from the journey. I had barely started packing when God spoke to my heart: Think of this as a mission. You are a missionary, touching lives wherever you go—even when you don’t realize it.

His words shifted my perspective. Sometimes, we are called to do things we don’t want to do simply because they are necessary.

Spring is awakening, and the flowers I planted with care are beginning to push through the soil. The thought of leaving behind my trees, bushes, and perennials breaks my heart. But God reminds me: Think of it as a gift to those who will live here next. Let them enjoy the beauty you’ve left behind.

As I downsize yet again, parting with belongings that hold meaning, my heart aches. But God reassures me: New days are ahead. Keep what you need for that future.

I worry about my two cats and how they’ll adjust to our new home. But again, God whispers: Give them time—and give yourself time. Show them they are safe, and you will find comfort in that too.

This season of my life is teaching me to surrender my worries to God. When I place my trust in Him, He gives me hope, strength, and the assurance that He is guiding me forward. And for that, I offer Him praise.

I will forever miss my daughter, of course. But I also know that one day, I will see her again when I am called home. Praise the Lord—hallelujah!

Psalm 121:1-8
"I will lift up my eyes to the hills—
From whence comes my help?
My help comes from the Lord,
Who made heaven and earth.
He will not allow your foot to be moved;
He who keeps you will not slumber.
Behold, He who keeps Israel
Shall neither slumber nor sleep.
The Lord is your keeper;
The Lord is your shade at your right hand.
The sun shall not strike you by day,
Nor the moon by night.
The Lord shall preserve you from all evil;
He shall preserve your soul.
The Lord shall preserve your going out and your coming in
From this time forth, and even forevermore.”