A Letter to My Dear Daughter Stephanie,
It has been a year since I heard the words, “Stephanie died last night.”
For 365 mornings I have awakened in the early hours before daylight with you in my thoughts. It has been a long year, and yet it seems like only a few days ago the tragedy occurred. To say that “I miss you” is predictable, but missing you goes beyond the normal. You are no longer part of my life here on earth, what a huge change!
I personally experienced death when I lost my beloved great-grandmother many years ago, then mom died and that was a hard death to work through, although Mom had been sick for so long that death released her from the pain she suffered. Then my dad died in 2018 and 2 weeks later your dad died - just eight years ago and I was overwhelmed, moving through the days of my life, continuing to do what I had to do, but I don’t have your Stephen's companionship to comfort me now. This part of the year is extremely hard for me to trudge through, and trudge I do. And, it was hard for you and still is hard for Kimberly, Candace, and Stephen Patrick, and the grandkids, too.
And now your death, Stephanie. Thank God that He got me through this past year of big changes. I feel settled now where I hope to be until I die. Yet, I am debilitated. I am weak and exhausted and completely saddened to the point that I no longer want to live. It is true. I sit here day and night just surviving. I am ready to die. I answer that I'm okay, but it's not a normal okay.
But here I am, alive and going through the motions of living the life that the Lord has given me. I owe my survival to the Lord, for He is the only reason. And so to continue this letter to you, I recall our life together when the four of us were a little family living an ordinary country life.
I remember when I announced that I was going to have our second baby, the family planned a baby shower. Everyone was convinced that you were a boy and back then the happy couple had to wait for the birth of the baby to find out whether the stork brought them a boy or a girl. So all gifts of clothing, bottles, toys, the diaper bag, and decorations were boy blue. You surprised us, another girl!
But you did not disappoint us by being a little girl. You were welcomed and loved instantly and secretly I was delighted! Your father was also happy, he had another little girl to spoil and that he did and he named you. Your sister was four and a half years old and was enamored of you because she had a new play thing and filled the Big Sis role of helping take care of you. When you cried, she jumped to serve!
You grew up fast and when Big Sis went to kindergarten you loved being home alone with me. When Big Sis brought books home to read, you enjoyed listening to the stories. So when you turned two years old, I signed you up for story time at our local library. As the years passed we took our once-a- week visit for story time where you grew to love your story time teacher, Miss Michelle. Sometimes while Miss Michelle read and led your group in an activity, I perused the stacks looking for history reference books, etc, while you enjoyed your “big girl school” as you called it.
When you were eighteen months old, your dad found his dream job which later turned into his career. And a year and a half later, we bought our first house and moved into our four square farmhouse where you and Big Sis had the entire upstairs to run and play. It was there that you had a terrible bike wreck on the pavement and I took you to the doctor. No broken bones, but your knees and legs looked a lot like hamburger for a while. And another bike tragedy occurred when you turned your bike over into the corner patch of prickly pear cactus that was growing out by the carport. You and bikes were a challenge at times, honey!
Stephanie, you were never a morning person. Oh my! When school started that was the beginning of early morning mishaps. While Big Sis was up and eating breakfast and ready to catch the school bus, you were buried under the covers with your butt in the air vowing that you were not getting up. The years flew by but you never became a morning girl. Nope, you were like a grizzly bear fighting every minute to countdown to arrive at school on time.
Then your dad and I got a divorce. It devastated you girls - I remember you telling me, “I just want to be a family” while you got into the car when he came to pick you up for a visit. You adjusted to the new school and made lots of friends and liked the teachers you had. You enjoyed science projects, you loved the band and begged me to buy a white clarinet. I finally found the money to buy a white one and you were very happy. That same year you wanted to get your long hair permed, so I saved the money and your hair was very pretty.
Your Big Sis got married when you were 12 and while walking down the aisle as a bridesmaid, tears streamed down your face, emotions were high that day. You became an aunt for the first time when Big Sis had her first baby, a boy. You and I made regular trips to see Tyler and you loved his sweet baby antics. Also, that same year during the month of October you were saved at the Macedonia Freewill Baptist Church and baptized later the next year. Praise God, Stephanie!
When you were 16, your dad taught you how to drive a vehicle and he started you out with a standard shift. He always said if one could drive a standard, one would never be stranded. He bought your first car; a little baby-blue Ford Escort Hatchback. That car was definitely you, you looked so cute in it!
I will never forget the winter that we had deep snow. You and some of your friends went to the basketball game at one of the neighboring small towns. I allowed you to go, telling you to travel the main highways and you would be okay. Well……..
I waited up for you that night and finally the front door flew open and you ran and jumped onto my lap crying. You and the girls decided to take the backroads to the ballgame and you got the Escort stuck in a snow bank! You tried to drive out of the snow, but the car would not budge. Suddenly, an old truck appeared in the dark night and an elderly man saw your dilemma and used his truck to pull you out. You said when you and your friends rolled down the windows to thank him, he and the truck were gone, vanished in the night.. You cried telling me that you knew he was an angel whom God sent to help you out! I certainly believed you!
And then, during your junior year of high school you met Brandon. Like Bella and Edward in the movie Twilight, you claimed you were completely and irrevocably in love with Brandon (but he wasn’t a vampire). And so the next year you married him in August, after you graduated high school.
That same year, your dad and I got remarried and moved back into the farmhouse that we had bought together when you were little. Along with getting your dad back, you gained a sister and brother. You were very happy that it all turned out so well. But later you told me you were mad at me when your dad and I got back together and remarried because it seemed the time we were divorced was wasted. But still, you forgave me.
Your baby boy arrived the next year and you had your daughter a year later. You and Brandon bought ten acres of farm land that was close to us. Then you went to work for your dad managing his heating and air business in Joplin. You were the office manager for 14 years and ran the office and took care of all of the accounting by yourself. You were a whiz at everything you did and your dad was grateful and happy that you kept everything in order. I was happy to watch the kids every summer or whenever `you needed me to babysit. They were with us a lot when you and Brandon went on vacations. I’m so glad your dad and I bonded with you all. Those ties can never be taken away. You and Brandon traveled a lot and you always wanted to take me on a cruise.
In December, 2012, you followed God’s calling and graduated Nursing School. We were so proud to have an RN in our family! During nursing school when the studies got overwhelming and your confidence wanned, you called me and we would talk about it and I encouraged you to keep going and that God would never let you down. He brought you to your calling and He would see you through. And you got through it!
When your dad had his debilitating heart attack in 2013, you were right by his side and helped us understand what was happening. You walked us through all the ins and outs of his quad-bypass heart surgery. Then my mom died in the fall of that same year; you rushed to her side, ministering so gently as she lay in her bed dying. Again, you helped me through that sad time and told me what to expect with her passing.
As the years passed and your kids grew up, Kynsey made you a grandma when her first son was born and a year later she had another little boy. I remember how happy and excited you were! You wanted the grandkids to call you Nie Nie and you saw the boys as much as you could working around your hospital schedule. You always spent as much time as you could with your grandkids! And they loved you dearly.
Your dad and I were very sad when you told us that you were divorcing Brandon. I had hoped that the family curse of divorce would not touch you and Big Sis, but alas, it was not meant to be. We had to accept your decision and pray that all went well. We never meddled in your lives.
You bought a cute little bungalow in Joplin and worked as an RN on the heart floor at Mercy Joplin. We were so proud of you and your accomplishments.
When your dad died on a cold January morning, I remember talking to you on the phone, crying and asking you to hurry down because I needed you. You gave me hope when it seemed like there was no hope - you reminded me to lean on God and let Him help me through the trying time.
Three years later you came down to my house to tell me that you had met a new man and you and he were dating exclusively and were very happy. I was thrilled to know that you found someone whom you seemed to care about. I was a little concerned when you decided to marry him only a couple of months after you met, but again, I never meddle, so I accepted it.
After you got married, you moved to Nevada and went to work at the hospital there. You sold your house in Joplin and seemed very happy. We discussed my future and you wanted to help me with my health and issues, especially when I got elderly, so I moved to Nevada and rented a house from your husband to be near you. While I did not like living there, when God whispered to me, “She needs you,” I stayed because of you.
You were career-driven and started nursing school again and achieved your Bachelor in Nursing degree in due time. You were working on your Masters degree in Hospital Administration and you had plans of moving into higher levels in your career. You left the Nevada Hospital and went to work for Cox Barton County Hospital in Lamar. Oh, how happy you were! You loved your job, you thought highly of the hospital and the workers there. And they thought highly of you, Stephanie.
During my stay there in that small town near you (we lived 2 miles apart), my happiness about your new marriage faded. It was soon apparent that yes, indeed you did need me to be there with you.
I remember you telling me that you felt so alone up there, because Nevada was 73 miles from Neosho, and you didn’t really care for living that far north, but you made the best of it. As time went on while I was with you and your husband, I saw and heard many things that truly bothered me. I witnessed arguing and cussing, ranting and raving, your husband thought that you could no longer do anything that he thought was right. It was very disturbing to me. Because the things he complained about were petty, selfish things, downright stupid stuff.
And then Kendal finally got married! You were ecstatically happy for him and you loved your new daughter-in-law. While they were happy, sometimes I knew you were not nearly as happy as you once had been. But you kept it to yourself; perhaps you didn’t want to worry me. I remember everything I saw and heard and I have it all written down -14 pages of your life there.
I lived in distress the 2 years and 10 months while I lived there. But all I could do was pray about it all. I prayed day and night and kept a watch out for you. You were a very private person and didn’t divulge a lot about what you were going through in your marriage. The times that you did open up to me, I remember and specifically advising you on a matter you asked me about while we were driving down to see Kendal and Kynsey and their families.
And then, your 46th birthday came round on January 19, 2025. You went with your husband to a plumber’s yearly certification seminar in Columbia and was gone for 3 days. I told you that I’d take you out to lunch soon.
I remember you coming through my door a week before you died. You were beautiful - you had just had hair extensions put in and your hair was curled and gorgeous. I told you how pretty you were and your smile lit up the living room. I can envision you sitting on the sofa talking about what was going on, telling me about your mother-in-law’s health dilemma, (your husband sat in the car while you came in to see me and you explained that he was talking to his sister about their mother) and we made plans to go to Subway soon for your birthday lunch! You were sad because your dad’s death anniversary was coming up. Each year it has always been an extremely sad occasion and something that we mourn every year.
And after a while we hugged goodbye, said our “I love yous” and you were gone. That was the last time I’d ever see you again. You were 3 months away from getting your Masters degree. You had plans for your future and you were planning to go see Kendal and Kynsey and your grandbabies in the next week or so. But you died on Saturday night, February 1, but of course the coroner pronounced you Sunday morning, February 2 when the authorities found you.
That Sunday morning, February 2, 2025, I went to church as usual and I texted you. I didn’t hear from you but that wasn’t unusual because sometimes you were busy doing homework. When I got home from church at noon your husband texted me asking about what time I would be home from church, I told him I was already home, but he didn’t answer back.
That was a red flag because I thought you two were probably arguing again. Dread set in, and I texted you asking how you were. No answer. I sat there for a few minutes praying and I clearly knew God wanted me to go to your house and see you. I grew angry this time and I planned to talk to you both about what was going on.
I arrived at your house, Stephanie, about 12:30 and your car was not there, neither was your husband’s. So I texted you both that I was waiting for you and needed to talk to you.
Dread grew into fear. Still I waited. The day was sunny and not freezing, but cold. I prayed.
And finally, a silver car drove up behind me. It was your husband, his daughter and his son. I thought, “Something’s going on and he’s involved his kids in it. I was perturbed and angrier.
When I stepped out of my car to face them, he said, “Stephanie died last night.”
My world collapsed, I did not faint, but I felt myself spinning and churning; the dread had turned into absolute panic and terror. That was not true, Stephanie, you were not dead, you were hiding and I would find you and help you!
Alas, it was true. I insisted on seeing you, I could not accept that you were dead! When I saw you, my beautiful baby girl, in the funeral home, my heart shattered like the ice in the creek where your car landed. My heart had broken with the other deaths I had endured, especially that of your dad, but now it felt as though I had no heart, no breath, no life.
My Sweetheart, it has been a year since that day. I relive it and go over the story your husband gave us and I contemplate all the questions that remain unanswered. It haunts me! We want closure, but we will never get it. In the whirlwind of the 3 days - Sunday, Monday, and Tuesday - Kynsey did order an autopsy and that stopped your husband’s plan to cremate you immediately. Thank God that Kynsey demanded the autopsy because even though your husband got extremely angry about it, the autopsy answered a couple of questions surrounding the mystery of your car wreck. Yet it created more questions and concern that we did not get the truth of what happened Saturday night and why you ended up upside down in your vehicle in a creek bed.
Three people know what happened February 1 & 2, 2025: You, your husband, and God. And in the end someday God will judge and maybe justice will be served.
I will end my memories, my dear daughter. There are many more that I remember about you, of course, but I can’t write a book here. Instead, I am rejoicing because you were saved by the blood of Jesus Christ and baptized in the water. And you are home in heaven with everyone else. I will never let your memory die, sweetheart!
Until that time comes, I wait…. Momma
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